Gifts for People Who Kill Plants

There is a specific kind of person who buys plants faster than they lose them and refuses to draw any conclusion from the pattern. They are not bad at this out of carelessness — they are bad at it out of enthusiasm, which is a much more forgivable failing and a much funnier one.

The rule for gifting this person: never give them a plant, and never give them a book about keeping plants alive. Give them something that lets them be in on the joke. Self-deprecation is the whole appeal here, and they will wear it more often than anything sincere you could buy.