All My Plants Are Dead

The flagship confession. Worn by people who mean it.

8 ways to wear it. Every size, color and fit for this design, all in one place — from $15.99.

This is the one people stop you about. It is not a joke at the expense of plants — it is a joke at the expense of the person wearing it, which is why it works. Everyone who has ever bought a fiddle-leaf fig knows exactly how this story ends, and wearing the ending out loud is funnier than pretending otherwise.

It has been the best-selling design in the catalog since 2020 and it is the reason most people find this store. On the dark colorways the type reads clean from across a room; on the lighter ones it sits softer and gets read up close, usually by someone who then tells you about their own dead monstera.

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